Snakes on a Plane

Let me just say there are snakes in that movie. If by snakes the movie producers mean, as I do, an unseen force that alters the moods of objects. I loved this movie and yet when looking back on it and when trying to describe it to friends I realize that I should not have enjoyed it. I am not spoiling anything by explaining that the reason why the snakes go crazy and attack everyone is because there are pheromones on the plane. There must have been pheromones in the theater. Every cheap and silly cliché of a suspense is present, including the snakes fondness for attacking people in their most vulnerable spots, the genitalia.

The snakes cling to their victims, as only snakes in Hollywood do. The snakes approach menacingly as only snakes in Hollywood do. The story ends with a cheesy tie-in to the first line of Agent Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) as only stories in Hollywood do. While there is not anything that lets you know the movie is mocking these tropes instead of buying into them, I could not help but enjoy the moments. This movie was more entertaining than Pirates and even more entertaining than Captain Jack Sparrow without the detritus of the Pirates franchise. I do like how the producers were not afraid to kill people, and cute dogs. Lots of people and lots of pets. It was almost as thrilling as in House of wax when they killed Paris Hilton. If they cannot kill her off, then at least they can kill off the chic trend she started.

I loved it and I don’t know why. It must be the pheromones in the theater. Now if only I could stop seeing everything through these foggy green lenses. I wonder if the FTA will change their ban on liquids on flights to allow olive oil.

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